OH NO! Zombies on the MRT

Guess what I saw on the MRT recently?

The first bit kind of makes sense at first. But as I thought about it, my head started to hurt really badly, everything around me just swirled around, and I staggered unknowingly to Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters. Well, more on the first bit, first. It makes perfect sense doesn't it, that we should give up our seats to people who need them more, especially when SMRT tells us to do so.

Who exactly are these people anyway and what makes them so special, one might ask? Perhaps it doesn't occur immediately to all of us—it didn't to me—that they must be in need (duh) and be a respectable member of our society. Yes, again the first bit comes pretty naturally to us but the second had me stumped for the longest time.

You see, the second bit is really the crucial bit. Let me illustrate this. You wouldn't give up your seat to a kleptomaniac so that he could feed his need to steal from the gaping bag of the lady happily snoring next to you, would you? Would you give you your seat to a nasty old geezer who's just purposefully sneezed without covering his nose and smeared the snot of his hands onto a nearby railing?

The needy chap must be respectable; by default, by extension, or by omission. So I realized, "hey great," this extended list suits just fine. I mean, Santa Claus is responsible for nation-wide, if not world-wide happiness once a year at Christmastime. He's respectable no doubt and sure he needs the seat: all the presents, elves, and giant candy cane. It doesn't hurt to show some love to pregnant teenaged moms either. Why bash them for one mistake? At any rate, they're helping with the birthrate, and their unborn kid could be paying the taxes that will slow you from shriveling into a prune. Now child molester? Not sure why they have it there. They must have mixed up the label with "child lover".

Workers, executives, teachers... We all need them! They are the builders of our society and what nobler calling could there be. The construction workers build the concrete that keeps us dry and warm, executives build the networks that keep us satiated and comfortable, and the teachers develop the minds of our promising young generations, so that this utterly virtuous cycle can continue.

And who can forget our government that keeps things in check with great efficiency and righteousness? Or the pervasive invisible man, whom I strongly believe is an angel. I'm sure it wasn't put as that so as not to offend any religions. Or man's best friend, the next best alternative to having a child. They even make fertilizer!

As I thought long and hard about it I realized the list wasn't enough! What about the tired TeamSingapore student who has studied hard at school, trained 8 hours in the pool after school, and just needs to rest that fatigued body for the 15 minutes it takes to get him home? What about the pilot, who needs some rest so he can fly his A380 well to keep Singapore on the world map as an "aviation/tourist hub" and SIA "one of the best airlines in the world". Or the ah-beng, who's financing a budding entrepreneur, with sums of money our banks will blush at hearing? We must extend the list! We must we must!

Do we?

By then I had swaggered my way to where I thought was my platform. Instead, along came a train, full of zombies led by Rosie Phua, asking ever so polite in a giant yellow sign, "PLEASE LET ME COME OUT FIRST AH." From the scratching and banging sounds coming from the carriage I knew that's hardly what they meant. I wanted to run. I wanted to die. I regretted all the times I didn't give my seat up to some noble man or woman, a champion of our society. It was too late now. All too late. Seconds later the doors burst open, I screamed.

And I'm still screaming now...