On Research

On my way to work I saw a couple of old friends, whom I know are studying medicine, walking towards HSA. I was just behind them but somehow I didn't pull out those earphones and call their names. Maybe because they were all dressed, coats, tie and all. Maybe because I was enjoying Mraz too much. Or maybe because I convinced myself that they were in a hurry.

I stopped a little while later and thought, "why is it again that I didn't even consider applying to do med?"

So I recalled my excuses: it would be too stressful and utterly unenjoyable, perpetually scrambling and cramming facts for a grade; it would be secretly competitive and you'd make few real friends; I wouldn't get a chance to go overseas; I couldn't imagine being a source of human empathy to random strangers, day after day for the rest of my life; I can't live knowing that at my best I'm simply guessing at someone's condition; I can't have a patient die in my hands.

I think the only reason I'm even considering this is simple—I'm not happy where I am. Perhaps I have romanticized the idea of a life in research. It really isn't about entering the lab every morning and thinking, "What will I discover today?".

Work is incredibly tedious. Run a reaction, then do analysis after analysis. Then separate your products and do more analysis. In between read horribly written papers that contain so much text but express such limited ideas.

I told myself on my first day at work that I would put up with this short term pain for long term gain. I'm not sure what exactly I have gained apart from another usable entry in my CV. If I eventually go on to a bio lab, all these chem lab skills will be redundant. Again, if I slant my major towards biology, the few concepts I have picked up here will merely be interesting material for discussion over dinner.

Do I regret my choice? Strangely, no. A future in research still holds that strange charm for me. And I have good reasons for that.

Three labs down, my ex-schoolmate is thoroughly enjoying himself even though he probably does more tedious stuff than I do, far more often. Why is he so happy then? He feels his direct supervisor is extremely fun to work with and that he is learning so much.

So I've come to realize, that although all scientists live to make that once-in-a-lifetime fantastical discovery, it really does come only once in a lifetime. Between then and now, perhaps the most important things are your fellow white-coat donning lab-slaves.

Just like any job, isn't it. But I get to wear a T-shirt everyday.