I KEEL YOU

For the first time in 3 weeks I got stopped by Jurong Island security for a bag check. A freaking bag check. Really made my day.

So I dump my bag on the x-ray machine belt and hobble along through the stupid metal detector, which really is just another pointless lighted gantry CO₂ generating device. Then as I pick up my bag this Indian/Sri-Lanka/Bangladeshi AETOS auxiliary goon asks me if its my bag. Oh, of course it isn't Mr Policeman... I'm stealing a bag from the X-ray machine right under your nose!

I nod sleepily and he asks me to open it. At this point, I'm already quite cheesed. Sure, just take a peak inside. Maybe just another of those masquerades 'cause your boss is coming down and you need to keep your $3 per hour job. I say "Yar there's a laptop inside."

Then he snaps at me and says "Open... open!" pointing to all the other zips on my bag. It's a freaking backpack. It's got a lot of zips dumbo. You could at least tell me what you are looking for. So I just shoved the bag at him and the imbecile fumbled to open it. Guess what he found.

NOTHING! Wow, surprised aren't we. It looked like a bomb from in there. Well if anything looked like a bomb, it would be my laptop. Second to that, two PAPER balls I scrunched up to stuff into the aircon vents on the freezing bus. If those look anything like grenades to you Mr Policemen, you really need your eyes plucked out and washed with technical grade acetone.

And please. Why would I freaking travel two solid hours, numb my sorry ass, just to smuggle 2 pathetic grenades into a freaking gigantic island, that's so big, driving to my workplace takes a good 20 min. Helloooooo? What would I blow up? 2 fences? My bag isn't even 5kg I think. How much can you blow up with less than 5 kg of explosives.

If it happens again, I promise I will smack him with my backpack. I don't need explosives to PWN your policeman brain. Uh-I meant ass. Oh maybe I'll just speed-dial '9' for Achmed.